Gabriel’s Lament for Olivia
So many years separates the time between us;
So many years and so much pain.
I dream at night of your smile still.
I thought it would fade, I thought this would end.
I tried to lose myself in so many things.
White flesh; the bottle’s endless depth.
But I see you in every escape;
Green eyes haunting my steps and mocking my attempts to hide.
In the end I tried to join you
But I didn’t have the courage or the strength.
If I could have pulled the trigger this would have ended.
Maybe I should have.
Maybe I still will…
She stops me, though:
Innocence and light.
She needs me when I don’t even want myself.
Somewhere an ironic god is laughing
I just know it.
When I see her laughing
I see you.
When she hugs me tight
I remember our children.
When I see her frown in concentration
I remember that little wrinkle that sat above your nose.
So I’ll stay a while longer
Catching your ghost in every mirror.
I’ll stay and raise her like I did our daughter
Though I never loved her mother.
At least for now I’ll be her father,
Until she’ll no longer need me like all the others.
Then it will be back to cat and mouse;
Hiding from your memory again.
In a star strewn coffin
I laid my head down,
In the empty eons
Of demons and men
N’er was there
Of desperation and despair,
Gave my life
When there was
In the crystalline
Back into my
Empty shell and
When I woke to find
Have green eyes.
This poem was first shared on Twitter’s #LineByLineTime hosted by George Beckman (@graestonewriter)